Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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