hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
