Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
