She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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