I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
