Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
