Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize