We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
