is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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