Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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