I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
