i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
