But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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