You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
