no, he came in my armpit
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
