i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
