I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
