oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize
