nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize