A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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