God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Im just a social blackout drinker.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
