How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
