I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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