you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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