having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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