i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
