Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize