I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
