**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
