I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
