just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
