Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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