I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
