What did we do last night that was yellow?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
