The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
