My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
