His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
