dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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