those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
