In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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