we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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