I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
