we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
