oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
