no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
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He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
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You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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