I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
