It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so let's talk penis.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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