holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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