this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
