nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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