You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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