I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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