I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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