Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
When are your genitals available?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
