And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
