i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
