proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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