Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
