if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
