Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
where are my eyebrows?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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