It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
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