This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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