ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
