wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
