it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
