Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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