I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Rumble strips road head = magical
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
