Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
