Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
